Strawberry + Ricotta Layer Cake with Cream Cheese Meringue
This year, for my 31rst birthday, I wanted to do something that left me feeling like my best self. Something that made me feel powerful & accomplished & proud to be Lesley. As cheese-y and romanticized as it might sound, I wanted to do something that would allow me to celebrate & let all the good feels usher me into this next year of my life. So I landed on running a half marathon. Something that I’ve done before (only once + as part of a fully organized event), but this time I was going to run it myself. Just me, no cops or nice pedestrians waving at me along the way, no cute kids handing out water, & none of that adrenaline that comes from running with a crowd. Just me, my music, and roughly 2 hours of grinding out some miles in my neighborhood.
Why a half marathon? I truly feel the most powerful & most proud of myself when I’m on on a long run. Setting aside the fact that all of life’s problem seem to feel pretty manageable when I’m running it out, it’s also the time when thoughts that I’m strong, I’m determined, & I’m accomplished cross my mind - & I feel the weight behind those words. It’s empowering, and it’s probably the time when I’m really appreciative to be me.
But I was nervous going into a half marathon on my own. Even getting out the door when it started was a little out of body-ish. It was like “ok - ya - I’m going - ready or not I’m kickstarting this whole thing” instead of this pumped up “let’s get it” attitude I’d anticipated. But of course, typical me, I started playing out all the bad shit that could happen during this whole thing. What if I get a major cramp? What if I get totally gased? What if I haven’t been taking it easy enough and my legs are fatigued? Jordan, my voice of reason when I need it most, came to my rescue, & told me exactly what I need to hear - “just run your own race.” I mean secretly I wanted to really impress myself by running this whole thing faster than I had the one time prior, but more than that I wanted to finish & be able to feel that “I did it” sense of excitement. So I ran my own race, not caring if a couple slow paced recovery miles snuck into the mix, because I just wanted to finish. For 13.1 miles I was alternating between repeating “don’t tell yourself short” + reminding myself to “run my own race.“
& it got really fucking hard. I was at mile 5 feeling great and having this internal conversation that was to the tune of “alright - you’re feeling good - you can do this.” Um mile 10 - very different story. I was slowing down, legs feeling ache-y, and kind of questioning if I was going to do this wholething. I had been on a really good pace for the first 8 miles, and just really declining while feeling the need to get an active recovery. It was kind of brutal. I also started thinking about how much I couldn’t wait to get home and just chug glasses of water. But I just kept moving. Taking it easy, resorting to a slow jog to give my body the recovery it needed. & then the turning point…….
I see a car I immediately recognize as my husbands, he pulls in, and I’m like “holy balls - he brought me water.” We’d joked about him pit stopping and being my water guy, but it was totally a joke. But he did it! Lord bless him, because not only did he show up, but he ran after me with a cup of cold gatorade when I absolutely needed it most. As when I ran my previous half marathon, I got more of the gatorade on me than actually in my mouth. Picture me tossing gatorade towards my face and catching it in my mouth - that’s more of my style. Except this time I managed to not choke while doing it, which was the true miracle. But the few drops I did manage to actually get in my mouth were just what I needed to fire back up and turn the wheels back on. My posture perked back up, my feet started moving a little quicker, and for the last 20 minutes of my run, I was back.
I was getting towards the end of my run, making my last lap around the school by our house, and Jordan’s car was back in the parking lot. He was there to watch me finish out my birthday eve halfer, and even just him at there to see me pull it off felt like a really special finish line. I officially hit 13.1 as I was running towards him in the parking lot, pumped my arms in the air a couple of times at of total excitement, and it just felt really good knowing that I’d be able to say that I did exacly what I set out to do. 1 hour 56 minutes of grinding it out, not stopping even for a second, and it felt amazing. The reward, in addition to the runners hgih - a continued birthday eve picnic party with burgers + shakes + fries (& even a share corn dog) from the burger shack by our house. It was truly perfect.
Birthdays also prompt me to think about my life - where I’m at and where I want to be and what I want to achieve. I’ve been on a personal journey to spend more time worrying about myself, and essentially re-focus my energy on me, being the best version of me, and placing the biggest emphasis on me liking that person. For me it’s been taken the biggest emphasis off whether someone else likes me or not. & it’s been a journey in finding the courage + confidence to just shamelessly be me, & letting the ability to be proud of myself (even for the smallest accomplishments) trump all else. So how’s it been going? It has been hard a concept to embrace. Really liking myself to the point where I not only believe it wholeheartedly, but I’m consistently proud & unwavering to just be me. I’ve known for a long time that I care way too much about what other people think, and put way too much weight behind words and actions that aren’t mine. It’s been only recently that I made the active decision to consciously place the biggest focus on what I think of me, and it’s meant being myself to the point where I’m able to accept that it might not be for everyone. I’d be lying if I said it was easy, and it has taken me a long time to be ok with the thought that I might not be for everyone. I have had moments where I’ve felt hopeless because someone had a negative opinion of me (or at least I thought they did), & I’ve made the decision to live my life. & in doing so, prioritizing the projects + passions + people that make me proud to be me. The real blessing -a happier me & the ability to look in the mirror and like the person I see. Liking the person I see looking back at me is probably the best birthday blessing this year. That & this sweet little birthday cake of course!
For the Cake
3/4 c. vegetable oil
1 1/2 c. sugar
3 eggs
zest + juice of 1 lemon
3/4 c. ricotta
1/2 c. almond milk
2 1/4 c. flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 c. halved strawberries
For the Thyme Syrup
1/2 c. water
1/2 c. sugar
juice of 1 lemon
5-6 thyme sprigs, plus extra for garnish
For the Frosting
3 egg whites
1 c. sugar
3/4 c. butter, room temperature
1/2 c. cream cheese, room temperature
1/4 c. strawberry preserves or jam (like a really good jarred option)
For the cake: Preheat then oven to 350. Prep flour 3-8 inch baking pans, and line each with parchment. Cream together the oil & sugar. Beat in the eggs, mixing until combined. Mix in the ricotta & lemon until you have lumps. Add in the baking soda, powder, a pinch of salt & half of the flour, mixing until well combined. Mix in the almond milk, and then mix in the rest of the flour. Disperse evenly in the cake pans. Let the cakes bake for 30-35 minutes. When they finish baking, let them cool in the pans for 20-30 minutes before removing them. Let cool completely on a cooling rack.
For the thyme syrup: Bring the water and sugar to boil, swirling the pan every 30-60 seconds until the sugar is dissolved. Swirling the pan will prevent burning. Once dissolved, add in the lemon + thyme sprigs. When the mixture is boiling reduce the heat to medium low, letting the syrup continue to cook for 10 minutes. Remove the thyme sprigs, pour in a mason jar, and set aside.
For the frosting: Whisk the egg whites + sugar in stand mixer. Place the bowl over a double boiler, continuing to whisk constantly, and whisk over the heat for 7-8 minutes. The base of the bowl should be hot, and you should get a mixture that looks like melted marshmallow. Remove from the heat when the sugar is totally dissolved (should not be grainy when rubbed in between your fingers) or it measures 160 on a candy thermometer. Place the bowl back on the stand mixer and whisk on medium high/high for 10 minutes. The bowl should no longer be warm, and stiff peaks should hold. Switch to the paddle attachment, add in the butter a couple tablespoons at time, and continue to mix on medium-low. When all the butter is incorporated, turn the mixer to medium high and add in the cream cheese. Lastly add in the strawberry, and mix until just combined. Place in the fridge until ready to use.
When the cakes are completely cooled, move to dirty icing the cake. Place the bottom layer on a cake pan, and place about a 1/2 c. dollop of frosting right on top. Spread the frosting lightly, and just to the very edge of the cake. Place the second layer on top, and repeat the frosting process. Finish with dirty icing the entire outside of the cake. Place in the fridge for 30 minutes, and then add a final layer of cake (or keep it dirty iced like me).
Toss strawberries in a bowl with about a tablespoon of sugar. Place the strawberries on top of the cake along with some fresh thyme, & lay thyme along the base and around the sides of the cake.