Butternut Linguine with Tuscan Cauliflower Mash
I’ve been able to hit a reset button, & today I’m overwhelmingly grateful for that.. We just got back from Utah visiting our friends, and before we left, I can recognize that I’ve been in a funk. I’ve felt increasingly overwhelmed by just going through our day to day routine - blindly getting through my work day (& not really enjoying it), getting way too wrapped up in the opinions & bad attitudes from a select few around me, prioritizing literally everything besides myself - & it caused me to freeze. Freeze as in literally put a pause on so many personal goals that are as simple as getting out of bed at 6am & preparing a healthy meal for myself. I actively recognized that I haven’t been living my life as the best version of myself, & that realization just kind of set me further down the spiral of anxiety.
Probably one of the biggest character traits I don’t love so much is my inability to flip the switch. I have a hard time just switching my attitude from kind of shitty (whether it’s due to a mood or being set off by shitty comment from somewhere else) to one that’s more positive, even when I can see my bad attitude is having ramifications on others. Instead of flipping the switch, I kind of wait for the start of a new week or even a new month to make a change. I wait for that opportunity to make a promise to myself to do better instead of instantly making that change to re-focus & get grounded by all the good things in life, & I know it’s only a constraint to my own ability to thrive as a happy human. To me, this is significant since me deepest desire is to live a life where I have no wasted days. I have an amazing husband, I’m fortunate enough to work with him & have his support in some many way, we have a happy home, & my intention in 2020 is to move away from dwelling on the struggles I’ve had moving to Washington & actively shift to enjoying what my life has here in the present. So queue the gratitude journal & honing in on the moments, big or small, that spark joy.
My slump was broken up by this Utah trip, and I don’t think I expected it to be. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, I went into the vacation sort of expecting to get through it vs really enjoy it. But the moment we got out of hotel & started wandering around Salt Lake, just Jordan & I walking & nibbling & shopping, I was instantly grounded in the joy of that moment. The tranquility and enjoyment I had just spending time together gave me this realization that moments togetherness with my favorite person are what spark joy, & though these moments may not be easy to come by when life gets busy & work gets chaotic, they’re moments that are always cherished when they do come around. Moral of thee story is that this change of scenery made me instantly elated, and for the first time I was able to go from feeling overwhelmed by a growing to-do list & ticking clock to feeling confident I could make a change & tackle demands of life in a way that can make me feel balance & make me feel happy. Big picture - I can think back on this first day of our trip and equate it to the moment I really realized that I don’t need to wait for a moment or day or a month to come around to turn around a personal funk. Particularly, the impact environment can have on being grounded in the good & feeling empowered to make a positive change.
Struggling to find balance in the midst of a family business, finding a true place in my new environment, & just settling in successfully - all while wanting to have it all, do it all, and prioritize personal goals - is something that has been an ongoing struggle for me. But I’m using this vacation, and this very needed re-grounding to identify the factors that helped me get out of the stressful place I was stuck in & make a prolonged change to not find myself stuck anymore. So these are the 3 promises I’m making to myself to disrupt any slumps, and writing them here is how I’m keeping myself accountable:
Get out of my environment. Go on a hike, drive to Chambers Bay & walk the coast, get dressed up and go out to dinner, spend the money & go to a workout class - whatever! Whether I’m physically going somewhere or trying out the look good feel good thing (the power of a solid hair-do & full face of make-up that makes you want to take a selfie is real!), breaking down the walls of a daily routine that can feel entrapping is essential. For me, breaking up the routine of being home or being at our bar is helpful. If I can - go spend the night somewhere. Go camp, go to Seattle, or drive 2 or 3 hours and get a change of pace for couple days. Pack up the pups, spend the money, & do it. My promise to myself is that I’ll actively create an experience or situation that allows me to be in an instantly enjoyable environment.
Make the choice to re-focus my attention on the good by reaching for that gratitude journal. I may not be able to keep up with gratitude-ing daily, but I can undoubtedly recognize that it makes a big difference when I’m feeling down. Being able to truly analyze my surroundings, pick out the good, & realize that everything is fine helps weather the storm of a stressful situation, or just weather the storm of trying to concrete my own life here in WA. Having a sturdy foundation in elements that spark joy brings me back to the now, fight off any dooms-day feelings, & realize that every situation has a solution.
Commit to carving out time for me, & let my planner be my best friend! Time is what can feel like my worst nightmare, specifically feeling like there’s not enough time to take part in some of the things that are important to me. In the past few weeks, I’ve made the instant choice to sacrifice prioritizing personal goals & personal time to knock things off the to do list building at work. & if I’m not finding time to take part in what makes me feel happy, then what’s the point of doing everything else? I’m promising to do my best with time management by sticking to a schedule, and also promising to not put myself in a deeper slump by foregoing time for myself. I’m committing to being okay with me time coming at the cost of having a to-do list that carries over to the next week.
So in the spirit of hitting the reset button & putting my happiest foot forward, I spent day 1 back home in my favorite place - our home kitchen. I let go of staying up until 9pm working on emails and invoices, & made the choice to make a delicious & tasty vegetarian meal that sparked joy, for me & Jordan, remaining perfectly at ease with leaving a to-do list for the next day to Butternut Linguine with Tuscan Cauliflower for me.
For the Tuscan Cauliflower
1 head of cauliflower
3 tbsp heavy cream
Salt + pepper
1 garlic clove, minced
Equal parts basil & parsley (at least 2 tbsp of each)
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
EVOO
For the Pasta
1 butternut squash (seeded, peeled, & diced) or 1 lb. of pre-cut squashed
EVOO
Salt & pepper
1/4 c. heavy cream (plus a little extra if needed)
2-3 tbsp chicken broth
1-1 lb. package dried linguine
1/2 c. parmesan cheese
Start by roasting the butternut squash. Heat the oven to 400 degrees. Toss the butternut squash with EVOO, salt & pepper. Spread on a foil lined baking sheet, and roast for 45 minutes.
Move to steaming the cauliflower (I used a stovetop steamer). Once steamed and cauliflower is tender, place the cauliflower in the food processor. Add in the heavy cream and a pinch of salt & pepper, and puree until the mixture is smooth and mimics the consistency of mashed potatoes, adding a bit more cream if needed. Return the mixture to a saucepan, cover, and place over low heat. Stir occasionally to make sure the mixture isn’t burning, turning the heat off completely if needed.
Mince the parsley and basil. Place in a bowl with the minced garlic & red pepper. Add in some EVOO - enough to saturate the herbs - mix together, & set aside.
Move to placing a pot of water over high heat. Bring the water to boil.
Meanwhile, remove the cooked squash from the oven, transferring to the food processor with the heavy cream. Puree until the mixture is smooth & the consistency slightly thicker than butternut squash soup. Add in a little extra cream if needed. Transfer the sauce to a large sauce pan over medium heat. Let the sauce come to a simmer, taste, and add a pinch of salt and pepper if needed. Reduce the heat to low, & cover. If the sauce gets too thick, add in a tablespoon or two of chicken stock.
Add the pasta to the boiling water, and cook to al dente. Drain, and add the noodles to the sauce along with 1/4 c. of parmesan cheese. Toss the noodles until they’re totally coated in sauce.
Now time to plate it up. Smear some cauli-mash on a plate, topping with a small spoonful of the herb mixture. Spoon up some of the pasta, and place it right in the center of the plate.